Escapism

Hi, again. Assalamualaikum. May peace be upon you.

Lately, Idk how to say. I am kinda easily pissed off with some situations. I know it is not good for me to feel so, but I couldn't help myself for not feeling this. And that's why, I prefer to stay silent most of the time. I know if I start to talk about it, I'm gonna burst into tears. Eh. Not really, maybe not so, maybe just turn to be kinda emotional.

Frankly, I don't like to find myself to be like this. Upon seeing myself being like this, I start to search for help. Or to be exact, I start to search for myself. I think, I am in need of tarbiyyah and good surrounding. Hmm. Where could I find such things here? Things are not the same as the way they were.

Some friends of mine, advised, " If you couldn't find such surrounding, you, yes it is you who's gonna start everything."

I fathom those words but at the same time, I am not that strong. I need some company. I mean a company who is willing to help me and at the same time, understand my situation.

Ops. Aha. Wait, suddenly I feel I write almost the same thing in every post. Ugh. Sorry. 

So, apa ceritanya pulak dengan escapism? Aha. Sekarang, when I find myself being emotional, hopeless, try to reach out for help, I tend to escape myself. I like to be alone. I like to be a lone ranger. Wandering some place by myself. To clear my thoughts, to clear my wonders, to clear my doubts in life, I suppose. But at the end, I find nothing improves. Which makes me feel more depressed.

I don't know what I want, though. I am not sure about anything. All I want is to escape from this place. From the place where I am now. I don't find any people who can stand by me here. I don't know. My life is just pathetic.

I need a getaway. Seriously.

Outro - You Could be Happy, Snow Patrol.