And I've Been Realized from My Nightmare

"Otak saya dah sembelit nak baca segala bagai ni. Tak dapat nak masuk dah. Lagi baca, lagi sembelit. :x"

"Oh.. Itu bermaksud, adik tengah galau. Jangan galau, dik. Ambil wudhu', tenangkan fikiran. Insha Allah."

***

"I've been thinking this lately. Why  can't I feel the same thing like others feel? Like you know, having boyfriend? And you know, it is a norm for us to feel love and want to be loved, right? Why I can't?"

"Dear, I know what you feel.. Tipu sangatlah kalau kita tak rasa macam nak jugak rasa yang orang lain rasa kan? Tapi kan, you told me this before. Dunia ni kan permainan. Memang temptation nak buat itu ini. And you also told me before kan, yang attachment to people leads to disappointment sebab manusia ni kan tak dapat nak memenuhi apa yang kita hasratkan melainkan Dia. Kan? You were the one who told me before. I know you're strong. I know you can face all these."

"Hmm.. Betul.. Tapi.. Jiwa manusia... Nak rasa benda-benda macam tu.. Tak dapat nak dihalang.."

"Dear, this is what you told me before. Kuatkan diri dengan tahajud. Ingat tak dulu kat Matrik dulu? How did you strengthen yourself? I really adore you, how you lead your life depending only on Him. And not to any people."

"But I feel empty nowadays. Tak da usrah nak join."

"Usrah? You were once naqibah kan. dear. Buatlah satu kalau takda. I know you can do it."

Air mata mengalir.

"But I don't feel that I am that strong. I need more. I want to be a mad'u instead of dai'e. I have lots of flaws."

"Dear, siapa ja yang tkda flaws? In fact, I have more. You were so strong dear. Believe in yourself, takkan sebab satu benda temptation tu, habis kita loose momentum untuk menjadi abid kepada Dia? Dear, teruskan apa yang you have done all this while."

Air mata mengalir lagi deras.

"Dear, we are together in this. You are my sahabat. You were there when I needed you. You remind me all of these. I am really thankful to Allah for knowing you. You don't have to be sad. Smile! = )"

"Thanks, sister. You made me realized. Hmm.. I think I've gotta go. Wanna make ablution and perform salah"

"Let's tahajud together! I love you dear! Don't forget me here okay? I will never forget you!"

"You are always in my prayer. May Allah bless us. Let's ( ':"

****

"Brother, what says you about "bercinta sebelum nikah"? Cause from what I see, people around me seem to think and act that it is okay to have a relationship before marriage. And you know, we might feel we want to.."

"Tough question, dik. But may I know kenapa macam tiba-tiba ja tanya pasal ni?"

"I don't know, maybe because I've been thinking this lately."

"Haa. Ada minat kat siapa-siapa ka ni? Hehehe"

"Hmm. Ni macam tukar topik ja dah ni -.-"

"Hehe. Jangan lah marah. Cuma bercanda aja ni."

"Hah tak pa tak pa, teruskan dengan jawapan anda. What says youuu?"

"Actually kalau dari pandangan diri sendiri , kalau nak berpacaran tu tak salah .tapi kalau dgn niat yg betul. niat yg betul tu at least ada perancangan yg lebih jauh mcm nak bertunang or kahwin dgn org yg kita suka tu . tp ada eloknya kenal hati budi masing2 dgn sebaiknya then taklah couple2 ,tp terus tunang .tp while studying especially the early years tu tak perlu lah difikirkan lg kan . sbb perjalanan tu masih panjang. at least time dekat2 nak grad ke apa ,boleh la fikirkan hal2 mcm tu . sbb obviously lepas hbs belajar tu mesti semua ada perancangan nak kahwin kan. tp apa2pun , kalau nak kenali sorang wanita/laki2 yg penting kena pandai jaga maruah diri dan batas2 pergaulan sehingga semuanya jadi halal dan sah"

***

And it feels like bam..... on your face.