A rambling post. Read it if you want.

So, semester two just started three days ago. The timetable is so packed and full which classes all start from 7 AM and end at 4 PM. What Im gonna say is I just hope that this semester will be nicer and more productive than before. This may sound too typical but yeah, I do hope this. Bukan apa, last semester aku asyik nak demotivate ja. Kali ni, aku rasa tak mau dah la perangai lagu tu. I mean like, demotivation is something that will just ruin your life & will make you even feel down. And tiring. Kan? Penat kan asyik dok demotivate ja. Negative vibes kot weh. Memang ah akan memberi signal yang tak berapa sihat utk hidup. So, yeah, aku janji pada diri aku kali ni, even I am so damn tired or apa-apa perasaan yang negative, I m gonna suck it up like a sir. Haha. Idk what I mean by like a sir. But one thing is, like a sir means classy and cool. Itu prinsip aku. Ahaha.

Okay, aku tulis blog macam bajet ada orang nak baca. Lulz gila aku. 

So yeah, selama masuk 4 hari kelas berjalan, hari 1 - 3 aku rasa dah yang aku boleh istiqamah dengan azam aku nak keep being positive, tup tup mai hari ni aku rasa penat yang amat; rasa nak tidoq, rasa tkmau fokus dan rasa macam nak curse everything out. Tahu tak kenapa. Nak tahu? Hah, meh la baca lagi tulisan aku di bawah ini. Teruskan membaca.

Air kat rumah aku still sucks. Hari tu cuti semester, tuan rumah aku ada dah panggil plumber mai pebetui apa yg tak pebetui. Awai2 aku sampai hari tu okay ja, mai hari 3 aku dok syok dengan kelas, air buat masalah pulak. Dush, macam asdfghjkl lagi. 

"Alah, masalah air ja pun, chillax ah. Yg tu pun nak emo. Duh,"

Wei, tahu dak bila air bermasalah segala akitiviti yang lain pun akan bermasalah jugak?! Ah man, mohonlah mengerti.  Bila air takda tahu tak aktiviti membasuh baju jua terbantut? Dan tahukan anda nak berak kencing pun payah? Nak apa lagi... Hah! Semua semua yang berkaitan dengan air lah. 

Aku nak rant on pun jadi malas sebab aku tahu jarang ada orang yang nak paham dengan masalah aku. Kalau paham pun apa boleh  buat, cuma nasihatkan supaya diri ini bersabar ja lah. But yeah, still I need words from sahabat-sahabat cause this is how I can stay strong and positive so do stay please don't ever leave me. Ewaaah.

Cara aku tulis post pun macam tak da pola tapi peduli apa pulak aku, nak jadi satu cerita pulak aku nak lakarkan pola cerita sebelum aku tulis post. Makan masa lagi, buang tenaga lagi. Aku menulis bila masa aku nak dan perlu ja. Mostly bila masa aku rasa macam seteres. Ahah, yeah. Ampunlah, mungkin kalau ada di antara kalian hendak cari motivasi di laman ini, mungkin anda tersilap laman. Sila alt F4. Sekian terima kasih, harap maklum.

Kedua, aku rasa macam nak cerita pasal...hm. Pasal irrelevance yang usually berlaku kat sini. Dulu aku rasa aku tak mampu nak tanggung ketidakrelevan yang macam-macam kat sini. Bila aku dah habis satu sem, tiba- tiba aku rasa macam kagum pulak dengan diri aku sendiri. Lol. Bukan nak riya' weh but people cmon hampa cuba mai dok sini, tak semua boleh tahan kot! 

Memang masa aku dalam sem 1 kerap kali aku terfikir apa betul aku ni ambil degree kat sini and yadda yadda, kerap kali aku terfikir aku nak stop studying here but many things and people prevented me from doing so. 

Ketiga, aku rasa macam nak cerita pasal... aha, pasal diri aku yang sekarang ni mungkin tak sama macam dulu. Sorry guys if you found me so different right now compared to before. Mungkin dulu, ada sesetengah daripada hampa semua ada yg mungkin jadikan aku sebagai role model dalam sesuatu (eceh perasan) (tak, sungguh ni). Cause bukan apa, cause sometimes I feel like I am letting some other people down, frustrated with myself.

Aku tak se"solehah" yg lain, that you guys can find like Aisyah Syakirah or Diana Bahrin or Angel Pakai Gucci's owner or sesiapa ja lah. Idk why and what turned me to this current me. Aku cakap terus terang eh. Mungkin aku tak pakai tudung bulat bidang 60 like you expect some lepasan sekolah agama and some girls who are or were involving in kerja da'wah. I'm still wearing a hijab of course cuma, not that big. Still covering what I need to cover. Aku pakai sneakers pi kelas. Selalu berseluar dan  prefer to wear shirts. And nowadays I prefer to wear shawl or pashmina. And once again I reckon, I'm still covering what I need to cover.

Kenapa aku cakap macam ni. Aku tak mahu org yg pandang aku selama ini berubah pandangan. I mean like I am still me. Maybe I become more me now. And ada juga sesetengah insan yang kenal aku said that I'm different. Cause appearance aku macam 'ranggi' mungkin but no guys, just because people who are "islamic" dont wear like I do doesn't mean that I am not good. I am not saying that I am an angel or what but cmon guys, islamik tak semestinya terletak pada pakaian. Tak semestinya hanya yang berserban, tudung bulat bidang 60, berjubah atau yang berpurdah yang berpeluang mendapat title "baik" in the aspect of Islam.

As long as the outfit is according to what Allah had said, whats wrong with wearing it right? Modesty pun penting juga dalam prinsip Islam kan? And why do you have to make it hard? Kalau rasa selesa utk pakai tudung turki, atau syria atau pashmina with sneakers to cover yr aurah, go on lah kan. As long as the guidelines are there right?

Just saying guys. I want to make things clear. That's all. Alala. Apa aku merepek ni, pointless as usual. 

That's all I think. Salah silap harap dimaafi. Islam is for all. Moga kita husnul khatimah menjadi milik kita. Salaam alaik.

Outro - Adik Remaja by Raihan.

Mid-Life Crisis #2: It Seems Work

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, may peace be upon you.

Juma'h, 11 January 2013
- A delayed post due to the internet connection

Masha Allah, it was a good day today. Never known that this would work. I don't know what the actual reasons are that make me wanna do some of the things that I'm going to tell later. I think, it's the power of du'a and belief towards Him. 

Waking up today, same thing still went on. Water supply at our house still didnt function well. But luckily I was at my friends' house so yeah, same things like the days before. I slept over at her house and sort of 'tumpang' for a while and settled my self at their crib.

Idk, yesterday before going to sleep, I was having some kinds of feelings which you know, like, the feeling of being tired. I talked to myself, it's time to change. Time to get myself better. Enough of being so unproductive and moody all the time.

I can do nothing good if I keep doing and having these feelings. So, I decided to take a step. I send an email to one of my favourite persons on the Tumblr. She is just sooo deeply inspiring and waking up that morning to her reply. My goodness that's just fantastic. I feel appreciated.

Actually, there are some favourite people on Tumblr. The below reply is the earlier reply that I got from sister Simply Hasanah. I sent her the day before. It was a pleasure to get such motivation and encouragement. I snap some of hers. There are more, but just let it keep to myself. The above one is from sister Chireen (the path of the believer) I love the things that she does to stat steadfast on deen. Masha Allah, really encouraged and Im gonna do what she advises. May Allah bless this both sisters. (:

That's all for today. Greetings from Sumatra. May you have the strength to get better day by day.

"Keep smiling even though you don't have the strength to face the trials. But with that smile, you know that you just can do it." 

Ameen.

Outro- Travelling Light by Talib Al-Habib.

Mid-Life Crisis #1: Keep Calm & Stay Cooool

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, and may peace be upon you. 

So, memang, memang sekarang I am now in a mid-life crisis. Too many things that contradict to what I want.   Dalm sehari pun rupanya boleh berbolah balik rupanya emosi dan hati kita. Haha. Pagi tadi, aku bangun-bangun, diterkejut tergempaq dengan air di bilik air tak ada. Sebenarnya dari semalam lagi. Memang a norm dah kat sini, toksah kata apa. But seriously, I was hoping things got better when I woke up this morning after crying the whole night (almost) but I woke up only to find that things are still the same. Mehehe. 

Nak dijadikan cerita, aku dengan perasaan yang masih tak stabil dengan rasa geram, bebal, tak puas hati dengan negara ini (macam melampau dak tahap negativiti aku pagi tadi) but yeah, itu yang aku fikirkan bila aku marah. Macam, semua tak kena, salahkan pemerintah negara ini, sapa suruh tak jaga bekalan air dan elektrik agar rakyat selesa! (amboi!)

Oh ya, nak dijadikan cerita, aku pagi-pagi dah kena battle of the nafs, melawan perasaan, reminding myself to stay positive, ada hikmah semua ni, lagi bertambah ujian, lagi Allah sayang, sebab Dia nak kita dekatkan diri kita dengan Dia. So, aku dengan rasar redup dan bercampur geram sedikit, lalu ambillah wudhu' dengan air tingkat bawah yang sikit yang hanya laku untuk wudhu' kalau nak mandi memang tak buleh dah, dan perform my Fajr prayer. Dengan harapan menggunung bak ibu mengandung, aku punya berharap agar lepas solat satgi, air akan ada. Tengok-tengok, harapan hancus, sampai kesudah, sampai ke saat ini, floor yang aku duduk takdak air. (hangpa jangan bayang aku duduk asrama pulak, aku duduk kat banglo (sortof), bilik aku kat tingkat atas)

Disingkatkan cerita, aku bawaklah bekalan aku ke rumah teman aku di lorong dua untuk tumpang mandi (macam pelarian) (bayangkan dengan beg bagai). Dan bersiaplah aku ke kelas like a boss dengan harapan dapat belajar di Ruang Nazir Alwi tersebut di mana bilik itu adalah ruang yang pertama kali Prof Agus akan mengajar di situ, sebelum ini, kami belajar di kelas yg standard dia macam kelas tuisyen kat Malaysia. Sekian. 

Hehe. Pokoknya, kalau ada junior-junior aku di luar sana atau orang yang tengah baca blog aku ni, yang ingin further study kat sini, aku sarankan, tak payah lah, cari lah di Timur Tengah atau di Malaysia sendiri. Kalau di Timur Tengah, biah Islamiyah dah terjamin, di Malaysia, kita dapat adapt dengan sistem pembelajaran dan tak perlu susah homesick tahap 99. Santai sikit lah kan. Tapi andai kata hampa semua memang suka sangat dengan U yang aku duduk sekarang ni, hmm nak buat macam mana, mai ja lah, aku alu-alukan. Boleh aku ospek hampa nanti. Muahaha. Tak, aku melawak ja. Aku tak main lah nak ragging teruk-teruk. Cause I dont think education works that way, ewahh!

Disingkatkan lagi cerita, kelas pagi tadi yang aku kononnya bersemangat utk pi setelah berhempas pulas dari rumah aku pi mandi kat rumah teman aku di lorong dua, only to find that the class was cancelled. HAHA. Kosser gila hang. Pissed off tahap 99 lagi. Tapi sabar sabar, best gak takda kelas sebenarnya, aku leh gak pi imigrasi tadi pi settle MERP aku untuk pulang ke Malaysia nanti 19/1! SEEEE? Ada hikmah terselit di situ.

Petang tadi, Pemicu berlangsung pulak. As I mentioned earlier, last night I spent my night crying and bursting into tears, realizing that everything is challenging yadda yaddaa ( FYI my mum called me last nite like all of sudden, haih mum's instinct kuat betei) (dan lepas tu aku sempat bersembang dengan Amal, the Apple of my Eye, my sahabat who is now in Egypt taking Dentistry), aku tak sempat nak get ready apa2 untuk pemicu.

Nota kecil: Pemicu itu adalah aktiviti diskusi kelompok. Diberi kasus dan lansunglah diskusi selama 2 jam lebih kurang berdasar beberapa pertanyaan yang ada dalam kasus itu. Mostly aku selalu merepek ja dalam pemicu. 

Oh ya, pemicu kali ini aku sempat jadi sekretaris. Aku okay dengan tugas ni, tapi FYI, aku ni kan jenis orang yang perfectionist, once upon a time rasanya, sekarang ni boleh la, cool ja, but cemana nak cakap ah, aku suka buat kerja aku biar puas pada hati aku dengan hati manusia. Yang menjadi aku sedikit terefek tadi dan sebelum ini dalam pemicu, aku selalu tak dapat nak stand for my right. Boleh bayang dak (debater characters dalam diri aku ni dah terkubu sejak aku datang sini as far as I could remember , sedih ohh)

Kalau dulu, aku akan debate sesuatu poin tu sampai aku puas, sekarang lahai, aku pun tak tahu, entah jadi apa ja. Aku macam biaq pi lah, malas aku nak ngomong sebab aku ended up dengan orang tak paham apa yang aku cuba sampaikan. Dan ada lah macam-macam faktor lagi yang membuatkan jiwa pendebat aku terkubur. Sigh.

Sekarang aku nak let the pictures talk..

My brother's trying to console me. He is soo good at this. Kudos. May Allah bless him.

jazakillahu khairan jazaa Fatin Wan Taufiak (':

It is Funny How Fast Everything Changes

Kan? Like all of sudden dah 2013. Like all of sudden I am turning to 20. Like all of sudden I am at my last block for my 1st semester. My first year here is already half-way spent. And all of sudden I feel old and grown up and  I miss a lot of things that happened around me before. 

We are so busy everyday doing our business till a week passes by so fast. And sometimes, a week can even be felt like a day! This is just funny I dont know why. Every day we keep doing our routine such as solat, go to class, eat, listen to the lecturers talking (sampai kekadang tak paham), updating ourselves with current news thru Facebook, Twitter and online news yadda yadda. But.. Still, we still miss out lots of things! We lost contact with our primary, secondary and college friends. Konon-konon keep in touch forever, then tup tup dah setahun tak contact one another. Then, tak tahu dah jadi apa kat kawan kita tu, lalu terputus macam tu ja hubungan. Haha. Lawak. Then both sides don't make any effort to restart and taaruf. Eventually, both become strangers. Sad thing yet it is real! 

This thing happened to me as well. When I was back then in Penang for my Xmas' Holidays, I went to the market nearby with my mum. When I was walking, tengok2 barang (biasalah, you know like what people usually do at the market lol), jeng jeng.... I bumped into my old friend! Haha, it had been a looooooong time since I met her. And I was like, " Adila Rozali? Eh?" She was like, " Tashaaa!!!! Wey lama tak jumpak hang." Padahal dekat Facebook "friends" and dua dua ada Whatsapp which means both of us ada contact number lah but haha tak contact2.

(((apa sebenarnya tujuan utama hang buat post ni)))

Oh haha, ya ya aku dengaq omelan hampa semua tu. Hehe. Cuba fikir, cepatkan masa berlalu? Dan cuba fikirkan dengan bertambahnya umur dan berlalunya waktu, adakah amalan kita pun bertambah jugak? Aihh, bukan nak jadi malaikat ka apa ka, tapi think this, we live on this world with some purposes. Lots of purposes yet sometimes we still tend to be bored and tak tahwan dengan apa yang nak buat bila bosan. Padahal banyak lagi benda yang boleh kita buat, kan? Cuba list semua benda tu. Listkan dan cuba usaha sedaya upaya untuk memastikan segala benda yang ada dekat list tu dapat ditanda dalam jangka waktu yang kita rasa kita mampu.

Tak perlu lah aku nak list-kan benda apa yang aku cuba maksudkan kat sini, tapi memandangkan aku rasa macam hampa semua expect aku bagi, okay fine, mai la aku tolong buat senarai. Ehehe. Ada ka orang pun aku taktahu lah kan.

1. Finish some amounts of novels, articles etc in a week. Eg, 2 English articles per week. Or, 2 novels per month.

2. Try to memorize Al-Quran. Eg, right after Maghrib or Isya'. Take a bit of your 24 hours to sit down and memorize 3 ayaat at least per day.

3. Make sure yourselves smile to people around you. Pick some of your friends and smile. Haha macam retarded. But yeah, benda ni sebagai batu loncatan lah kan. 

4. Try to say good things to people around. Eg, cakap "Uhibbuki fillah" kat senior atau kawan-kawan serumah, atau kepada insan yang anda jumpa di atas bas. Eh. Macam melampau. K.

5. Sapu sampah dan mop bilik. Pokoknya, pastikan bilik kemas lah hari-hari. 

6. Ensure yourselves to be always motivated. Eg, post some quotes on your wall that can trigger your emotion to be better day by day. Atau pakai maffler Palestine setiap kali nak belajar. Hoho, jihad fi sabilillah!

7. Say I LOVE YOU to parents!

8. Renew your intentions by reminding yourself of why are you here?

9. Try to keep in touch with your friends. Eg, greet them in a brief kat FB, Twitter. Contoh macam , "HI!", and yada yada.

Okay aku dah run out nak senarai apa dan apa dah ni. Hehe. Teruk kan? But yeah, instead of we get busy dengan business kita iaitu nak menghabiskan degree bagai, apa kata kita take time and chill. Jangan asyik tidur ja bila dapat cuti. (haih, bam on my face) 

But yeah! Let's change for better! Insha Allah! (:

Rightio, salam alaik.. Tu ja yang aku nak kongsi. Hehe. Pembukaan pun tak bagi salam, mai tang pengakhiran pun macam tergantung ja. Cause Im cool liddat. Eceh.

P/S- cakap pasal 2013 ni, maknanya dah masuk tahun keempat aku terlibat dalam dunia blog lah kan. Lulz gila. Kalau buat nuffnang ni agak-agak income aku dah berapa lah ye. Loser baq hang, aku sumpah noob nak buat nuffnang ni. K. 

P/S/S- Bila baca post aku yang dulu -dulu, rasa macam, lahai, aku ka yang tulis tu. ._. Adakalanya cara aku blog tu sangat memalukan dan tak matang. Kehkeh, Krisis identiti ka macam mana, habaq mai sat. Tapi bukan lah nak kata, aku lebih selesa dengan diri aku sekarang ni.